Kelina Coultas, 29, is about to graduate from Sardis Doorway.
It’s bound to be a tearful day, surrounded by friends she’s made over the years. Like many of the single or unsupported moms who’ve passed through the program in its 30 year history, she doesn’t want to leave.
She’s been coming to the program for the past three years, starting when her son Jackson was just two and a half years old. He’s enrolled in kindergarten now, and settling in as well as any rambunctious five year old boy would.
Coultas credits the program for getting him there, and for giving her the tools she needed to be a supportive parent in his journey.
“It’s hard to put into words how much it’s helped me,” she says. “I have my own place, and I’m on my way to getting my licence. My son is so well behaved because I was able to learn (to parent). Every little thing you learn helps you.”
There’s a long waitlist to get in to the Sardis Doorway, and there’s a long wait for counselling in the community — sometimes up to eight or nine months.
But at Sardis Doorway, moms who otherwise have little support are given a listening ear. A hug. A smile.
There are 30 moms at any given time, and right now there are 56 children in tow when they gather at Sardis Community Church every Wednesday morning. The mothers say their goodbyes to their little ones after they come through the door, with the babies and toddlers heading downstairs to their age-appropriate rooms. The moms stay upstairs, where classes, programs and activities are planned out for the morning.
Coultas considers herself one of the lucky ones.
But at first, she was hesitant to take part. Anxiety, postpartum depression and other issues kept her in her home for long stretches of time.
“She used to come for 10 minutes and leave,” says Karin Rempel, program director of the Doorway. She smiles as she describes how Coultas would pop in late, drop Jackson off with the volunteer caregivers, and hang out with the group for just a moment. Then, she’d head downstairs and pick Jackson up, and off they’d go.
She kept this up for a long time, but Rempel kept the door open, knowing deep down that the program was exactly what Coultas and her son needed. She had begun to worry her anxiety would start to affect Jackson.
“We were running back and forth and trying to find somewhere stable to be,” she says. “I don’t think I talked for the first nine months, I was really nervous and shy, really bad anxiety, and OCD, and post partum depression. I didn’t have anyone I could relate to about anxiety, and what comes along with having a child and not knowing what to do at all.”
That fear escalated her previous anxiety, keeping her and her son virtual prisoners in their home.
“It’s debilitating,” she says. “It’s hard to describe, it’s the scariest thing I think you could go through.”
Once she let her fears settle down, and began to trust the volunteers and other moms in the group, she began to open up more.
“When you find a group of other single moms, it’s amazing,” Coultas says. “You feel normal, you feel sane, you feel balanced. It makes you feel welcome and loved.”
While the program offers much-needed camaraderie, it also provides the basic essentials like cooking lessons, home organization, child development lessons, healthy relationships, mental health workshops, addiction and grief counselling. It also provides fun and challenging outlets like a singing group, a book club, and a bootcamp. They offer Food Safe, Child Safe and First Aid, and can direct the moms to external support when it’s needed. At the end of each Wednesday meetup, they are served a large, homemade lunch by a small army of kitchen volunteers.
For those who are maybe struggling with those daily challenges at home, with young children, Coultas wants them to know that they’re not alone. She credits being part of a group like the Sardis Doorway for turning her life around.
“It’s lifesaving,” Coultas says. “You don’t feel alone, and not feeling alone is the best feeling in the world.”
She is so changed, that she will be speaking on Saturday night (April 8) at the Doorway’s 30th Anniversary Celebration. The evening includes and auction and dessert, and will be held at the Sardis Community Church. Tickets are $10, and all proceeds go toward the program. Fundraising is an important part of keeping the Doorway operational. They’ve also developed some great partnerships with businesses and organizations over the years.
They have support from the Soroptomists. The Sardis Kiwanis Club ensures each family in the program has 4 litres of milk each week, and the United Way helps provide a fresh food hamper once a month for each of them. Canex Building Supplies also donates greatly, giving enough for each mom to take home a monthly meat hamper.
But this is anything but a free pass. The moms are expected to be on time, participating, and trying their best to get the most of the program. And if a mom doesn’t show up, they do go out of their way to find her.
“My phone blows up if I don’t show up,” Coultas says.
In addition to Saturday’s fundraiser, the Sardis Doorway is also running a plant sale online. It’s their third annual plant sale, and order forms are available through their website and payable by PayPal or by dropping a cheque at Sardis Community Church.
To learn more, visit www.sardisdoorway.com or call Karin Remple at 604-819-6556.